I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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