When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
