how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
