The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
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