now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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