I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
