I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
