dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize