I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Actions speak louder than pants.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
