Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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