Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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