Can i not drive my cunt home
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
