I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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