This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
