If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
