i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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