I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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