get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize