I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
