So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
