is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
