If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
