Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize