Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
