guys are not supposed to queef...right?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
