You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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