when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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