So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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