Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize