I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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