So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
