Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
