We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
