Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
