I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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