Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
