im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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