You made me cry and you don't even care
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
