Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
