tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
