VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
high people should be assigned attendants
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
