Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
