Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
