We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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