What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
