I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
