She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
