after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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