Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
