filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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