I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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