how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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