she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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