so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
