In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
