Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Randomize
