just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
