Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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