I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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