yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
