i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
