i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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