Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
