We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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