everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
