Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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