there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
