I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
