my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize