Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
