Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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