why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
