rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
