Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
