I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
