My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
