My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
