i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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