How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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