I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
