I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
