I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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